4th Quarterly, 2006 No.142

ESSAY

A Sprout Has Appeared from an Abandoned Rush-Mat
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by KIM Yang-gum


 My beauty shop “Kiss-me” in Umeda continued to thrive and was well known by everyone in the neighborhood. I remember it as being the time I worked the hardest. When I was 40 years old, however, I became sick towards the end of the year, the busiest season. I had a high fever for several days. During less busy times I would have stayed in bed, but since it was the busiest time of the year I worked.

My fever did not subside as a result of the physical strain I put myself under and I developed rheumatism. I had severe pain in my joints and was unable to move. No medicines or remedies worked. I went to different hospitals seeking treatment, but was always told that there were no medicines to cure the disease, and that excessive use of the medicines I was taking would result in bone thinning.

I felt as if I had been thrown from a high cliff, but did not give up searching for a cure and tried every remedy people recommended. I took cow dung, baked it on a tile on the stove, and put it in a bag to place on my painful joints overnight for ten days. I stayed at a healing spa in Wakayama for 40 days. I went to a hut deep in the mountains and had a heated poultice of pine-leaves applied to my body.

But I did not get better. When I had almost given up, the pain suddenly began to decrease, but my joints remained distorted and stiffened. I was not able to raise my right hand and my fingers were distorted. Distortion in my toes meant I was unable to wear shoes. I qualified for a certificate for second-class disabilities, which was applicable to people who required an attendant when going out. I had to rely on my employees to run the shop and appeared there myself only to greet clients or supervise.

When I turned 41 I decided to apply for Japanese citizenship. My husband, who disliked Japanese, remained silent about it, but did not oppose me. While I was preparing, however, an agent came to my house and

saw me being bandaged. He told me to apply after I recovered, but never returned. Since then, my aspiration remained unrealized.

Several years passed after I was first struck with rheumatism. Then, somebody told me of an herbal medicine. During the night of the day I first took it I managed to go to the toilet without any help from my family. I was very exited about the medicine’s results so have continued to take it since that time.

Once or sometimes twice a year from the age of 50 I have undertaken a pilgrimage to 88 different temples in Shikoku Island on foot, which was not at all easy for me, particularly when I had to pass over the mountain. At first, it took me much longer than other people. The steep path and the pain in my legs overwhelmed me when I climbed up the mountain pass, and I could not bend my ankles and my toes ached when going down the other side. I wept for joy when I finally arrived at the inn.

Despite this difficult experience, I never gave up on the challenge and have continued to undertake this pilgrimage each year. As time has passed, my pace has increased, and no longer takes me as long as it did in the beginning. I have found myself enjoying walking and seeing the landscape, trees and flowers. How good it is to be alive!

During one particular pilgrimage in the eighth year after I began them, I was awakened with a discovery while walking downtown. I saw my reflection in the glass door of a house. I was shabbily dressed, just like my husband. He usually dressed untidily, but I never told him to change. I was ashamed by my realization that I had treated him so heartlessly. As I walked, I told myself to be nice to him.

When I was 58 years old, I finally decided to retire and close my shop. I gave six months notice to my clients. I really enjoyed my work and I knew that it had been the most suitable job for me. Looking back at the past, both difficult and happy times, I asked myself over and over if I would regret retiring. Finally the last day came.

I went to the shop to say goodbye. Sitting in one of the chairs, I reflected on the past. It was 38 years since I became an apprentice at the age of 20. It was 33 years since I opened my own shop at the age of 25. It was 18 years since I developed rheumatism. I looked each one of the tools, equipment, mirrors and chairs, all of which had been with me for many years. I was going to miss all of them. I could not stop the tears.

I thanked all of them and left. The shop was due to be demolished on the following day. At that time, my mother in Korea passed away at the age of 96. Before she died, she told me not to take the trouble to go to Korea to see her. She also said that she wanted to pass away at the time of the cherry blossoms. Just as she desired, that was when she died.

The 25th Buraku Liberation Literature Award Winner
(Literacy Division) – 1999
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